his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
