Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
