I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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