whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
