i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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