STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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