He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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