So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
