just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
