You can't motorboat a personality
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
