i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
