Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
