Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we still banned from the library?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize