I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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