That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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