How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
