Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
