Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
