That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
