No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
