jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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