This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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