I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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