It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
