she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
