I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
