Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Slut skills are useful in every country.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
