I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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