awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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