you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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