when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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