I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
barbara walters just said penis...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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