i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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