It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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