i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize