I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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