Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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