I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
