I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
