what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
