Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
