I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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