she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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