mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
