a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
dude. I can hear the air.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
