wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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