I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The Olympian is in my bed
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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