guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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