Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
