I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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