U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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