why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
