Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
