So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
