Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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