Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
