The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
