How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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