I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
