Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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