not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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