I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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