dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
