The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
