It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
