Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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