I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How does it feel to date your dad?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
