More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
