haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
