Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
