I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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