Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
