Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
