All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
