i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
