i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
