i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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