i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
