If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
