So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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