ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
