I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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